Nick Piper's Blog

It wont have escaped many people that yesterday was my half birthday! The other occasion that is celebrated is of course Valentines Day, although in India couples showing affection in public run the risk of being attacked.

In recent months there have been attacks by Sri Ram Sena (a right wing hindu group) or the “Hindu face of Taleban” as they have been described. The most high profile being a group of 30 men attacking women in a bar in Mangalore. 

To counter this, a facebook group was created called ” The Consortium of Pub-going, Loose and Forward Women” which has of 42,000 members. They urged members to send pink underwear to the Sri Ram Sena. Genius.

But despite this, there were attacks on couples yesterday, by these self styled ‘moral police’. In one instance, a man was forced to marry a donkey as an act of humiliating punishment for being seen in public with a woman.

Still, there were instances of couples being forced into marriage or tie ‘rakhis.’ In Ujjain, a brother-sister duo was not spared as some miscreants – claiming to be of the Bajrang Dal – mistook them to be a couple and beat up the boy.

So happy Valentines everyone, hope you had a good one.

So my illness could be down to:

Milk, Cheese, Egg, protein, wheat, cereals, peas, oranges, fish, chicken, nuts, chocolate, natural and synthetic additives, artificially flavoured articles, alcohol, pollen, dust, heat, fungi, antibiotics, cocaine, heroin, insect bites, fungal infection, deodorant, perfume, cosmetic products, washing powder, stress or just to cover anything else, it could be “idiopathic” – unknown.

Great, that’s useful, really narrows it down.

Formally known as Pondicherry, this ex-French town 200km South of Chennai is in fact its own state. As such, it has its own – more relaxed – alcohol laws.

Initially we had planned to get a AC bus to Ponducherry, but my driver insisted he drove us down. We grabbed some fast food on the way down, titled our chairs back and watched DVD’s for the entire journey – well, when in Rome.

The town is split into quarters, the most interesting being the French, where as well as colonial architecture you have policeman with red ‘kepis’, street names such as ‘Rue de la Marine’ and pain au chocolat served from cafes.

And the only pictures I have from this charming Gaelic enclave don’t capture any of that at all. . .

Life's a beach

3 amigos

So, just like clockwork I am ill again, by my calculations next episode will be coming in on around the 23rd February, it will be wet, certainly windy and heading in a southerly direction.

To top off feeling ill I have work up this morning COVERED in itchy lumps. 

Not one or two –  one or two hundred if not more – and they f&*king itch!!

It wasn’t a mozzi as i was under my net, even its either an allergy (i doubt) or some king of bug which had an party on me last night.

Off to the vet now to get checked out.

My Bumps, My Bumps, My lovely manly bumps...

The Kingfisher beer out here has glycerine in, as a preservative in the heat. If you lower an open bottle upside down into a glass of water you can watch an oily film (glycerine) descend from the bottle as it is heavier than water.

The effect of the glycerine after a relatively light drinking session is truly unbearable.

I woke up on Saturday morning with the most banging headache I have ever had and to make things worse, I hadn’t bought any water recently so I had nothing to drink in the house.

Not a good day.

I think i will avoid drinking Kingfisher in future, but I have said that before!

(Edited from a facebook group)

1. You’re almost run over by an auto, who then stops and asks if you want a ride.

2. You end up having dialogues with mosquitos.

3. Internationally acclaimed artists perform everywhere else except where you are.

4. You need Set Top Box to watch pay channels.

5. It takes you 20 minutes to cover 3/4th the distance to a place, and then 40 more to cover the last 1/4th cuz you’re stuck in traffic

6. The temperature is around 30 degrees C in “Winter”

7. Straight men walk around on the roads holding hands with each other.

8. People on cell phones yell so loud that it makes you wonder whether they need a phone or not!

9. Auto drivers REFUSE to use the meter. Ever.

10. There are pictures of prominent politicians in sunglasses everywhere.

Click here to see where I live using Google Maps

or

Click here to see where I live using Google Earth

Christmas and NYE were both spent DJ’ing in the resort I was staying at. Luckily for me I had the very talented ‘Barry on One’ warming up for me.

Not your usual warm up, a 50 year old, on one leg, who – as he played the crazy frog tune – told the crowd (two pairs of bewildered couples) his new years resolution was to “have more sex, as he hasn’t been able to get his leg over”

Hop along now Bazza it's my go . .

I’m off to Goa for Christmas and New Years, but it doesnt feel like Christmas at all.

I haven’t seen a single Santa hat, Christmas tree or heard a Christmas song – still, hardly the worst thing in the world.

Another long train ride

These are by far the biggest tunes rocking Chennai

1. Oh Shanti (Chennai Sunset Mix)
2. Oh Shanti (Bombay Badder Beefed-Up Remix)
3. Adiyae Kolluthey (Rajasthan Rock mix)
4. Mundhinam (With more than a hint of Geroge Michael’s ‘Faith’)

Not too sure how I’ll fit them into my DJ sets, but I’ll find a way.

I decided to buy and England cricket top and an India cricket top and take them to the tailors so I could have a half / half version to wear at the Test Match.

Sasi took me to the mall, but the versions he showed me were horrible cheap rip offs, but fortunately soon enough we came across a Nike shop, where I found a reassuringly expensive version. Problem was, the cost of two tops would be an astronomical figure for my driver, so I made my excuses about it being too expensive and left.

As yet I have had no real haggling in India – last time I always haggled every price, even if if was for a few pence.

The realisation that I had lost my touch struck me when I walked away from the shop with the two rip-off polyester versions that i had somehow managed to haggle up!

And when the top came back from the tailors it looked great, but was clearly for an 8 year old.

So I haggled up, for a two tops that were too small for me.

Great.

I think my English is getting worse, an hour and a half everyday with my driver has reduced my vocabulary to monosyllabic words. I find myself mimicking how he speaks to aid the flow of our chats.

Surely its supposed to be the other way round?

When he doesn’t understand he smiles, laughs, nods his head and repeats one of the words I have said, a habit which I have now picked up when I cant understand him!

Cycling on the way back from the gym I was greeted with the usual “Good Morning, how are you?” from utter strangers, beaming away at me. As I overtook two school children on their bikes they struck up a conversation with me.

“What is your name?”

“Where are your from?”

“What is your salary?”

“Is there no work in England?”

“Are you married?”

and so on.

It was the best conversation I’ve had in a while.

Getting to the gym is never easy for anyone, but last Sunday I took my shiny new bike and ventured out onto the main road. 

If a Western face in the street attracts plenty of stares, imagine the effect ‘Westener on a shiny new bike’ has, whilst on the busiest road in Chennai.

So, to the gym, dodging cows, an ox, motorbikes traveling the wrong way down the street, packs of dogs, pedestrians, autos, cyclists whilst huge lorries and buses thunder by sounding their horns. Not the most pleasant experience, a white knuckle ride more like. 

Eventually I arrive at the gym – its closed.

Mooooove

Breakfast is particularly lonely and as I opened a new marmite it occurred to me that in 30 years, I had never been the first to dig into a new jar. Marmite takes ages to finish, the cupboard here bears testament to that – there are another 6 jars which someone has bought, yet to be opened. Even when you do finish one, the jar is so dark you have another week of scraping around getting the last bits.

So then I wondered how many people had actually opened fresh marmite? Had my brother? Was I now part of an elite group?

And then i realised what I have been reduced to without company in my house.

Oh dear.

I think I may have a little know eating disorder, reverse yo-yo dieting.

I try and gain as much weight as I can, go to the gym but ultimately I am at the mercy of this debilitating disorder.

In the time I have been here my waist has gone down a buckle, so I must once again, binge eat and regain my lost weight.

Roseanne Barr, Fern Britton, Diego Maradona, I stand alongside you in this battle with food.

The main road outside the house is called the East Coast Road (or ECR for short) and continues for miles along the coast to Pondicherry, a french influenced town south of Chennai. The ECR is one of the main roads in Chennai and is particularly chaotic. 

The safety laws here are bizarre, undertaking is allowed, there are no road markings, public busses are allowed to jump red lights and only the driver of a motorcycle is required to wear a helmet.

No wonder the death rate is so high in India when traveling with a three year old perched on your petrol tank is legal!

Trendy Islington 3 wheel buggy? . . I think not . . .

I have been struck down again with a bug and feel terrible. I think this is my first day of due to sickness in about 4 years!

Annoying thing is I dont know how I caught the bug. Was it the communal glass I shared in the gym as i was gasping (I haven’t mastered the art of pouring the water without the cup touching my mouth – i just poured water all over my face) Has the pool got some germs in? Do I need to brush my teeth with bottled water? Did i handle a note and then not wash my hands?

Whatever the cause I am going to have to be even more careful in future – I’m not up for being ill every two weeks!

The recent weather has meant that the road outside the house is covered in thick sand. Despite our best attempts to make a speedy exit from the house, we were stuck within meters of leaving, cue housekeeper and family helping dig us out.

Its a family affair . .

Varkala is a small village perched on the edge of a cliff overlooking a long sandy beach.

To a degree my expectations of what India was like were formed last time I was here a couple of years ago and it is only on returning I realise how wrong they were. Westerners far outweigh Indians and there is a large choice of international food as they cater for the tourist market.

Although it took longer to get to Varkala from Chennai than London, it was only about a tenth of the price. Its a fantastic place to get away from Chennai, sit on the beach, swim in the sea, read a book and generally chillout.

Need to think of a caption.

I took a couple of days off and boarded a 15 hour overnight train to Kerala. It was in the middle of this journey that I learnt of the attacks in Mumbai.

As I lay in my bunk I reflected on the fact I was one of two Westeners on the train and the other was an American. Some of the passengers on the train were pilgrims, dressed all in black. I’m sure they were harmless, but as I lay in my little bunk, in the dark, I remembered the stares we had attracted as they past though our carriage and convinced myself they were coming to get me imminently.

Not the best nights sleep ever.

The return journey was much more pleasant and we got talking to a group of young space engineers, but the reality of recent events hit home when I saw armed soldiers at Chennai central station.

All Aboard!

Monsoon has hit with a vengeance. It really is torrential and doesn’t stop, all the roads are really flooded as there isnt a drainage system to cope with the downpour. All schools have been closed as a result.

A cyclone has been moving across the state, with flooding causing 28 deaths one night, much of the city remains flooded.

Still, better than being in cold London.