So, after 9 months here it’s time for my first trip home – it feels like the end of term and summer holidays are about to start.
Since November I have learnt:
“w” is pronounced “v”
“v” is pronounced “w”
“th” is pronounced “t”
“t” is pronounced “th”
If you shake your head – it means yes,
….and this is what you get for your Birthday . .
Happy
Birthday
I have fairly vivid memories of going on “hash weekends” with my parents when I was about 8.
Hashing is essentially a running club, or as the Madras Hash House Harriers describe themselves, “a drinking club with a running problem”.
The rules of this secret sport are that the “hares” lay a flour trail on a cross country / urban run. False trails are also laid to add to the general confusion.
A few weeks I hosted the pre and post Hash gathering at my house and laid the trail, along the beach, through the fishing villages and along the main road near me. Everyone meets at about 5 o’clock and sets off accompanied by the hares, complete with loud horns. The sight of 50 people running through the backstreets of Chennai is quite bewildering for any of the locals we pass but only adds to the amusement.
This weekend was my third run, so I have now been given my “Hash” name – “Blow my Pipe”
On On.
Yes, I know these are immature – but they still made me laugh when I saw them.
Terence has been saying it for years
Sleeping Time Sperm Release - Classic Indian English
Not just Gay Lord, Cum Pickle too. Delia special.
Since I last posted anything, which i think is because all that was new to me 9 months ago, is just normal now.
A family on a motorbike doesn’t attract a second glance, the constant beeping is now background noise and I probably wouldn’t even bat an eyelid if i was faced with a naked man jumping from a bush again.
I must have some stories from the last 5 weeks, I’ll try and post some soon.
It’s come to my attention that my team are now following my blog – so, hello Godson, Shiva, Salim, Srinath, Muthu, Mohamed, Nagarajan Mohan and everyone else !
Below is a photo of us – I am in the middle, front row.
Where's Wally?
Where ever you go in Chennai, elaborately painted on every single wall (apart from ‘P James Magic Show’) are political slogans. On some walls are very good murals depicting the leading politicians.
But as it was election time when you would expect to see political slogans (at least in the UK) all walls have been whitewashed, leaving me with a very unimpressive photo of a wall, which was a piece of art a few weeks ago.
It's a whitewash
(Google it)
Last of the holiday snaps – must be time for another holiday.
I make no secret of liking writing on walls and wherever you go in Chennai you will see “P James Magic Show and Balloon Event 9841072571” He has blitzed the city.
There are a number of things which amuse me about this.
Where are you Mr Potato Man when Chennai really needs you!?
Number 319 . .
I’ve just realised this is a different phone number – so maybe P James has competition – or one phone simply wasn’t enough for all the calls he was receiving !!
Corruption in India is everywhere, I have heard a number of stories:
Now, when I heard these stories, I couldn’t believe that’s how Indian society worked, I wondered if it would ever be possible to stop and I thought how much better the UK was.
And then I realised, as MP’s expenses claims have proven, the UK is probably just as corrupt – at least in India it is much more in the open
New High
Housekeeper bringing me cold beers and crisps to my hand as I sit on my sofa watching the 20/20 cricket.
Nice.
New Low
Housekeeper walking in on me as I am naked, having a shit.
Not so nice.
…
Gotta take the rough with the smooth i guess.
Its been quite emotional looking at all these photos again – its sad to think I haven’t seen anyone since . .
As i said before – if Carlsberg did weddings . .
For a while.
As Leo and i wandered round japan, snapping photos (ironically, just like Japanese tourists) we started taking pictures of patterns and textures that caught our eye.
It became customary to shout “teexxtttuuuurrreeees” when you found a new one.
Here are some of the best.
Lanterns
Squid
Lipstick
Waterfall
Art
SkyScraper
SkyScraper
Fans
Temple Roof
On of the nice things about Chennai (and probably the rest of India) is that I feel completely safe walking the streets whatever time. The most uncomfortable I feel is when approached by a beggar, but 100rp soon sorts things quickly enough – or asking my driver to drive on (joke!)
So why are the streets so safe, is it cultural? Or is there a mythical crime fighter, Chennai’s answer to Gothams Batman?
Step forward Mr Potato Man, instilling fear into the criminal underworld of Chennai, keeping the streets safe for everyday Chennaites.
We wanna be . . Smith's Crisps
The last National elections were in 2004 when 647 million people voted, this time the figure is predicted to be more than 750 million – a staggering figure.
In the interest of impartiality, it is good to see that the ruling party erected a huge 30 foot illuminated sign above the polling booth, complete with iconic image of their leader (complete with de-rigeur sunglasses) for all the floating voters out there . .
Its been a while since I wrote anything – a reflection of how busy I am.
But over the weekend I managed to hold an impromptu after party at mine (having dj’d on a roof top till 9am)
Trouble is, by 9am its 35 degrees plus and a day splashing about in the pool with my new friends (in 40 degree heat) has left me peeling on my face like a leper – “This is a keeper” as Goldmember would say.
Now I look terribly deformed and stupid.
Will I ever learn? Probably not.
Will I post a photo? Not a chance.
Dan’s parents were kind enough to organise a boat trip for us to go snorkeling in the Molokini crater, off the coast of Maui. The trip wasn’t without event – Dan’s aunt was swept outside of the craters rim and was caught in a strong current that would have taken her to Tokyo!! Despite her sons and Leos best efforts they couldn’t pull her to the safety of the crater so had to be rescued.
Not only did we get to see all kinds of mutlicoloured fish feeding on the coral, but on the return journey we saw whales breaching (jumping out of the water). It is very common to see whales in Hawaii as they come to the shallow shores to mate, give birth and nurse their young. We had seen many whales in the week before, but none as close as this – seeing them so was quite moving.
My attempts at capturing them on my camera had resulted in lots of pictures of splashes but Dan’s Dad took two awesome shots.
Molokini
Photo courtesy of Mr Ellis Snr.
Photo courtesy of Mr Ellis Snr.
What is amazing about Hawaii is the different environments you can visit in one day.
From picturesque waterfalls, to glorious beaches, barren dry moon like surfaces, rain forests, bamboo jungles and Volcanic rock pools – there’s something for everyone!
Timotei?
Bounty?
Why did the lion get lost? Cos the Jungle is Massive!
I hope my legs dont break. Walking on the moon
Get your rocks off..
For those who dont know, Hawaii is a series of volcanic islands. We are staying on Maui which has (or is as it forms 75% of the island) a volcano called Haleakala.
We got up at 4am to drive up to the 10,000 ft high summit to watch the sunrise (with 4 t-shirts, 1 shirt, 1 jumper and 2 pairs of trousers on) and it was magical – and freezing!.
Sun rising up . . .
Giant steps are what you take. Walking on the moon . .
As if the stag do wouldn’t go down in history, the wedding will surely too. Fortunately I am single, so I didn’t have a partner getting big ideas about their big day !!
Set in a colonial style plantation house facing the sea, with palm trees and whales spouting a few hundred metres from the shoreline, I think it was just about as perfect as it gets.
We organised 200 photos of Dan to be stuck to the bottom of all the guests chairs at the reception – giving him a note to read to all of the guests asking them to check their chairs. Oh how we laughed.
An amazing day for everyone, even more so for Dan and Jessie – congratulations once again !
Wedding Venue
3 amigos
P-A-S-T-A
Dan and Jessie
Obviously I cannot divulge what happened on the stag do, but it was legendary and I doubt that it could be beaten easily, if at all.
Dan the Man
The Boys
A picture paints a thousand words . . .
Lube o'clock
Leo and I have arrived in Hawaii. Another massive contrast. From a country where we saw 3 fat people (fat school kid, fat biker and fat businessman) we are greeted at Honolulu Airport by a variety of oversized (to the point of deformed) custom officials.
On Sunday we head for the American version of TK Max, Ross “Dress for Less” buy the loudest clothes we can find and hit the beach to drink Pina Coladas on the beach for ‘Super Funday Sunday’ !!
Toilets
Super Funday Sunday
In India… It is acceptable to go for a piss in the street
In Japan… Facemasks are work in public to not (i) catch a cold (ii) spread a cold (iii) trigger an allergy from pollen
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In India… Breakfast costs 50p
In Japan… Breakfast cost £25
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In India… The streets are covered in litter and street stalls sell food.
In Japan… The streets are litter free, its frowned upon to eat in public. You shouldn’t smoke whilst walking, only in designated areas.
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In India… The public transport is overcrowded and hot.
In Japan… The public transport is immaculate and spacious
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In India… Traffic clogs the streets, drivers continuously beep their horns
In Japan… Streets are empty and silent.
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In India… Everyone stares at me when i walk down the street
In Japan… Everyone keeps themselves to themselves – to the point that people put plain covers on their books so you cant see what they are reading
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In India… People wipe their arse with their left hand
In Japan… You sit on a heated toilet seat and a warm jet of water is sprayed to clean you, followed by a jet of hot air to blow the parts that other beers cannot reach.